Tanner Mayes, huh? More like Tanner *Mazes* you with your questionable tan lines. I'm pretty sure your dermatologist has a frequent flyer card to your face. You look like a well-done steak that accidentally fell into a vat of Cheeto dust. I've seen ghosts with better skin tone. Seriously, did you try to get a tan or did you just hug a tanning bed? It's like you're auditioning for the role of a sentient Cheerio. Next time, maybe just embrace your natural glow, or at least invest in a decent self-tanner that doesn't smell like burnt plastic and regret. Or maybe just wear a full-body hazmat suit, that might help blend in with your aura.