Tanner Mayes, huh? More like Tanner *Maze*... because trying to figure out if you're actually tanning or just perpetually sunburned is a labyrinth I'm not sure anyone wants to navigate. And that tan? It's so deep, I bet you shed your skin every Tuesday. You're like a human cheeto, ready to leave your mark on every white surface you touch. Do you ever worry that if you get a paper cut, you'll bleed orange Gatorade? I'm just saying, your skin tone is less 'sun-kissed' and more 'accidentally-fell-into-a-vat-of-caramel'.